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MUBAN

Why did he feel disquiet? Yet each morning he woke up, and there was a sense of disquiet - that is if he had slept properly. Sometimes of course he woke up thinking about work, something had riled him, a student causing a problem that he had let slide, and he woke up knowing he should have acted and will act. At least thankfully this was never a problem as his muu had learnt to trust him over the years - it was meant to be that way.

This disquiet disturbed him. It was not resounding - it was not a driving disquiet, it was just there most mornings. Sometimes he was even glad that he had a work problem, but they were rare - intentionally so. It disturbed him because it had no shape, no structure, no foundation, yet it kept coming back.

One time he came up with a thought about it, the students weren't striving enough. This was something he didn't like but when he asked them to work harder they usually did, and if they didn't he would soon talk to the parents or raise it at the weekly muu meetings. Of course once it was raised everybody responded, the individual parents felt shame and the other parents were supportive hoping that their child was not the one to next bring shame. This was a rare event, and he didn't raise it perhaps as often as he should - but then if he didn't and the students took advantage he would soon feel that same shame.

He had raised it with Pawa but she just looked at him "Things are peaceful," she would say "be thankful for that - remember the lessons of history." And she was right. The muu was peaceful, and the other schools in the muu were quite happy. Once Pawa told him in anger "you want to bring those times back", and he was shocked at this. But he could see her point, endless questioning, stirring up - it even had a phrase for this aspect of mind - incisive purposive self-destruction. It was one of the many methods of agitation that they learned about in the times when mind was not taught. He was shocked, knew he would be more careful with her …. And then still felt the disquiet.